Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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