Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
