Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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