Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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