you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
