I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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