tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
