it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
