Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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