the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
