I accidentally had phone sex last night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
