So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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