We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
