Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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