apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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