go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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