Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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