Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
