God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
