I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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