I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
