I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
