my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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