i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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