you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
