So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
