Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
