And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
