We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
