This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
even my farts smell like vagina
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
