I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
