What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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