i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
