you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
