If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
