Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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