That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
