Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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