I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
