Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
