Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
