I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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