Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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