He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
