So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
