if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
