from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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