I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
