All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
