I'm gonna have a badass scar
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
