somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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