if you like me you must not know who I am
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
