umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
