I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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