So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
