Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
