And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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